AN Eligible beauty
Where are the confident men, asks ex-Miss S’pore
AGATHA KOH BRAZIL

THERE are two types of women for Singapore men, says Teo Ser Lee. “The type that they date, and the type they bring home to their mothers,” says the former beauty queen (twice over) without any trace of irony.

One gets the impression that Ser Lee is rather fed up with Singapore men generally.

The statuesque 1.72m former Miss Singapore World and Miss Singapore International makes no secret of the fact that she would like to get married. But how’s a woman to find a husband if she can’t even get a date? It’s not for a lack of looks or even a pleasant demeanour. Or that she does not know how to hold her own. Heck, the woman runs her own business and earns a successful living teaching men — from nervous undergrads to hard-nosed CEOs — stuff such as the finer points of social networking and dining etiquette. But therein, perhaps, lies the rub ... The men — even “the successful corporate types” — can’t get behind the façade of Teo Ser Lee, she of the long shiny hair and perpetual wide smile, it seems. And as far as the Accountancy graduate is concerned, it all boils down to a lack of confidence on the part of the men.

“Men are not confident to approach someone like me,” she concedes, “because (most) men cannot take ‘no’ for an answer. So they think I ‘better go ask someone else (where) my chances are higher’.”

She feels that men stereotype women like her too easily. “They assume that someone like me is ‘taken’. And even when it becomes all too clear that I am single, they will say ‘oh, but I wouldn’t date someone like you ...” This is a refrain she has heard all too many times before — as far back as when she was a school girl in Cedar Girls Secondary. “When all my girlfriends were going out with boys, I couldn’t get a date,” she recalls with a laugh. “So, I asked the boy my girlfriend was dating ‘How come you never chased after me?’” His answer was predictable. It was because he thought she already had many boyfriends.

That was like a quarter of a century ago and things have not changed. Her looks — and indeed those of any above average-looking woman’s — can be a stumbling block. “They are part of the problem,” she says. “A lot of men still differentiate between ‘the woman I can date and the women I bring home to Mum, and marry’.” And at the risk of raising the hackles of women, she says the latter fall into the category of “not the pretty ones, (they) are average looking and demure”.

At 43, Ser Lee is not in the market for men who are subject to their mother’s wishes when it comes to marrying, but she still finds the issue rankling. Men want to have a successful, good-looking woman who will still be submissive. The younger guys are big culprits in this because “they think they have the options to pick and choose”. Still, all is not lost. For her, at least. Declaring that “this is my façade because of what I do, and my past ... I must always keep up my image in public,” Ser Lee will hold out for someone who will spend the time and effort to get to know the real her. The real her, she reveals, is someone who is happy being in shorts and T-shirt and cooking up a storm at home for loved ones. She spends a lot of time with her parents and is a doting aunt to younger brother Ser Luck’s two children.

Family is the reason she gave up her previous management job at Samsung and took herself off to Washington to be certified as a professional image consultant and etiquette and protocol trainer by the same establishment that trains White House officials. Which, of course, leaves her perfectly at ease when she is asked “How many children do you have?” at social events.

“People assume I am married, and my answer to them is always honest. I say ‘None, because I have not found the right one to create children with!” When apologies are proffered, Ser Lee is always gracious saying “there is no need to apologise”. Still, it’s bad etiquette asking such questions, she feels. “You can always read their thoughts ‘Huh? At this age, you are not married?’ “I would love to,” she says candidly, “I honestly don’t know why I am not. If I meet someone tomorrow and he asks me to give my career up, I would. It’s God’s will. If (marriage) does not happen, I feel a bit sad and I feel incomplete. There’s a part of me that is not fulfilled.”

But then, Ser Lee does not teach women to power dress and project confidence for nothing. She is not sitting around waiting. Instead, she chooses to work just two or so weeks out of every month and to spend the rest of the time travelling. As she says, not without a touch of exasperation, “I give up. I just don’t bother anymore.”