Some weeks ago...

Some weeks ago i was still crazily trying to clear my overwhelming to-dos while frantically catching up with friends and loved ones before my departure. Specifically, i really wanted so much to embrace and be embraced by friends and people who mean so much to me before i leave, albeit it was just a matter of 3 months before we could link up again. Not as if the world would collaspe when im gone, right?

So, it took a toll on me when i did not meet up with those whom i dearly wished i could. People who matter to me but unfortunately i am not or no longer so, to them. It dawned on me that perhaps all the past connections established are but a facade. Life is simply like a one way traffic - there are only so many things we could see ahead, then pass by, and then decide to take with or leave without. Well, and aint i ashamed of letting go people who value me more than i do? Face it, the world does not revolve around anyone and that not everybody can be someone's somebody, and always.

In hindsight, i should not have taken such misses to heart. After all, my 26 years of hi-and-byes should have sufficiently toughend the heart and numbed the mind of all possible aches. Yet the fear of confronting the truth - the truth of being left behind by someone significant to you, could still be haunting at occassional times. And now, is possibly one such occassional time. It must be a joke that we feel shit and yet should be happy for people who decide to drop us to make space for their new others.

Some weeks later, i looked back and realised how silly i was. I just wanted so much to dig a hole and bury my head into it when i revisited my some-weeks-ago thoughts. What's 3 months to begin with? Even if it seems that im being "dropped", it could also appear that im dropping others - it's a matter of perspective, really. It's how much you want to anchor your heart to that truth, regardless of the circumstances that unfold. It's how badly you want to make things happen and happen your way. It's about coming to terms with what you can and cannot do and making the most out of what could be done. Wouldnt it be good if we could live in the present as it presents?