lost, to be found

i chicken out alot of times and on alot of things and i blame it on the fact that i do not have the guts to just throw caution to the winds. had i wanted my dreams or wanted love badly, lady luck might have taken a little more pity on me and given me her blessings. just too bad that i want nothing that badly.

all these years of a life so run-over, i actually believe that there wasnt much left in that concaved soul of mine. i had chosen what Davy Jones has done, in exchange for a peace of mind and to regain my sanity about life. as part of the deal, i cocooned a big theory that life was certainly bigger than what the heart could feel. and i was so wrong because all these while, i lived life like a shipwrecked sailor, lost and beaten, fumbled and humbled.

i became passive and at best, reactive towards alot of things. i thought i was a misfit so i stopped trying to be part of something. and i thought too that i was in no capacity to be interested in anyone or passionate over anything so i stopped searching. somehow, i had accepted that the void in me could not be filled and that, loneliness need not be understoood.

it dawned on me lately that it was not just the heart that i've sealed off from the world but the person that i really am, cast away as well. how could i not see through the fact that i would forever be lost, for no map could lead me to where i want to be without my heart as the compass to navigate there?

in the face of fear and for pride, i had killed my own spirit. would it be too late now to realise that for love and for life, i need to resurrect it?

a heart that is lost, please let it be found.